Death and Awakening

I found it difficult to sit down and write as I have been feeling so tender, vulnerable and fragile. My father has just died. I know that in order for me to be authentic I have to address what is real for me …especially the fact that my father has just passed. What is most real is that a moment doesn’t seem to pass right now without me thinking and feeling my father. 

I just recently left my father’s bedside. I was with my Mom, siblings, nieces and nephews and brother-in-law….all of us holding my father through his dying and journey into the arms of the angels. It was my deepest intention to be with him and my family for my father’s last moments and I am happy to haves out tho intention. I visited him several times this past year, sitting with him hand-and-hand, telling stories, crying and laughing….and those weeks were some of the best days of my life with my father. We held an intimate space for the two of of us to share, release, laugh and cry as adults. This past year after my father’s diagnosis vivid memories of my childhood flashed into the forefront of my mind. I’ve been processing and exploring them. When we witness or recognize structures from the past held on the inside, we invite all kinds of metamorphosis. And those changes entirely change the way we perceive, and they invite conditions both on the inside and outside to feel different. 


Everything in life comes and goes… every thought, every idea, every sprout, every word and every life. Dying, or the end, is in the life of everything.  When you live a life illuminated by the fact of your death, it informs your choices. My father made choices which allowed him to live a rich and meaningful life full of love, celebration, integrity and beauty. It was full of joy. Don’t get me wrong, there were challenges, and plenty of of them….with work, marriage, co-raising 5-children and his own personal journey of growing the heart. What did he teach and reveal to me? My Dad reflected to us how working hard is how you reach your aims. He taught me about being humble yet to strand in your strength with conviction. He was gentle and sweet, yet firm with vision. He was playful and incredibly hilarious. Research has associated good humour with intelligence…..and my father was incredibly intelligent. He was peaceful, content, and very clear-sharp minded. He could hold space for so many people making every person feel seen and recognized. That, in my opinion, is a huge imprint on this planet. A legacy. He made people feel seen and loved. That is how healing and growth take place. 

There is a famous saying ‘ You live as you Die’. My father was encircled by his loved ones during his last few breaths, all of us holding hands in prayer, comforting him with the familiar yet encoring him to fly his wings. My father experienced a magical death of love, angels and light surrounding him. At the same time, the tears of sadness then and now are heavy. What am I going to do knowing he is gone? This keeps racing through my mind. But when I take moment to really listen I can feel that his Spirit is in the process of moving inside of me this week. In various lineages across the globe, a Spirit is alive in the material-relative world up to 40 days after their death before they expand up to the heavens.  I can feel my father as it has only been a few weeks since his death. It is a very intimate and a very precious experience of how the One keeps the fabric of humanity woven so graciously. Creativity has been pouring out of me these past few weeks. It is dynamic and strong - the sensation of pure-creativity is incredibly resilient and focused. In yoga scriptures this force would be referred to as Iccha , a unbounded willpower. I keep surrendering into it and wow, it is a ride of bliss and joy. Death brings us full circle into the birth cycle….creativity is nothing but a reflection of the Universe birthing herself. 


Lessons from death are available to all those who choose to move toward it. My father’s death has opened me to a very profound love in which I have never experienced before. This kind of love reminds me that life is extremely precious and holy. Everyday we are walking on holy grounds. I feel the yoga practices hold the power to invite us to embody the Presence that teaches us about the richness of our lives. The yoga practices are vast, yet there is an order to them. Just as the Universe herself is grande and also incredibly orderly, the yoga practices too invite us to move through the krama….the step-by-step processes. 

This year my aim is to encourage students to create more peace and vision. This next year I will focus on inviting students to truly embody the teachings. I will share practical tools for students to navigate through the wide-variety of circumstances and conditions of their lives, including the physical and mental layers. We will dive into the body, mind, breath and Spirit.

Join me this next year for Embodiment - Live from the Heart

Much peace, love and light to you all.

Suzanne